I cannot believe how long it has been since the last post. So much has happened since…
The engagement was called off. There were multiple reasons for it and I have moved beyond all of them. Some of them were my fault: drug use, unwillingness to change my very core and I guess at times being a bitch. Some were his fault, and I hesitate to write them down because I still have feelings for him. A great deal of them however were related to his family. They truly tried as hard as they could to make sure this did not happen and I guess they succeeded.
It took about two months for the whole thing to unwind. After the break up, in the worst possible fucking way you can break with someone (texting) I went on a downward spiral of drugs, sex, and very bad decisions. One day, I woke up in a freakish scene on which I had no clue how I had gotten into: naked, in a stranger’s warehouse and without a single memory of how I got there. I stumbled on to find a bathroom and when I took a look at the mirror it hit me like a freight train: this is what rock bottom looks like.
I got out of there in one piece by the skin of my teeth. I called Dexter and cried for help. 5 weeks later my therapist said that writing would be a good outlet for me, and that I should have never stopped. So, here I am. Asking myself the eternal question again. How did I get here?