Back from the ashes

I cannot believe how long it has been since the last post.  So much has happened since…

The engagement was called off.  There were multiple reasons for it and I have moved beyond all of them.  Some of them were my fault: drug use, unwillingness to change my very core and I guess at times being a bitch.  Some were his fault, and I hesitate to write them down because I still have feelings for him.  A great deal of them however were related to his family.  They truly tried as hard as they could to make sure this did not happen and I guess they succeeded.

It took about two months for the whole thing to unwind.  After the break up, in the worst possible fucking way you can break with someone (texting) I went on a downward spiral of drugs, sex, and very bad decisions.  One day, I woke up in a freakish scene on which I had no clue how I had gotten into: naked, in a stranger’s warehouse and without a single memory of how I got there.  I stumbled on to find a bathroom and when I took a look at the mirror it hit me like a freight train: this is what rock bottom looks like.

I got out of there in one piece by the skin of my teeth. I called Dexter and cried for help. 5 weeks later my therapist said that writing would be a good outlet for me, and that I should have never stopped.  So, here I am.  Asking myself the eternal question again.  How did I get here?